


The day Trixie was kidnapped by demons

by Bagge



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Rescue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:34:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26497954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bagge/pseuds/Bagge
Summary: Kidnapping Maze's favorite human will surely work out great. I see no problem with this plan.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 65





	The day Trixie was kidnapped by demons

**Author's Note:**

> What can I say? I'm a simple soul and I like seeing bratty kids being rescued by hardcore badasses with soft spots for bratty kids. Copyright belongs to whoever hold the copyright.

"Spread out. Guard all entrances. Even the roof. _Especially_ the roof." The demons nodded and moved out, more or less lurching, more or less oozing.

"Can you run the plan by me one more time, Slug?" the demon possessing the older woman said.

"Listen carefully then, Slörg," the demon possessing the younger woman said with the exasperated tone of voice of someone who has already explained something several times, and who is resigned to the prospect of explaining it several times yet again. "When Lord Lucifer gets here, we close the circle, pull him back to Hell, throw him in the deepest pit and slam the door in his stupid face."

"Seems like a bit excessive to me."

"Can you think of any other way to get him to attend board meetings? Can you think of any other way we have ever tried that has _ever_ worked?"

"Well... no.... but... don't you think lord Lucifer might have... objections about being dragged to Hell, thrown in the deepest pit and having the door slammed in his stupid face." Slug made a smug expression.

"Then he will have to take it up with the board, won't he?"

"Aaaaaah!"

"Sometimes I surprise even myself."

"Sure shows why you are the one bringing in the big bucks down there"

"Sure does."

"Question, though. Why would Lord Lucifer come here."

"That's why we have bait."

"Aaaaaah!"

"You are both super mean!" This third voice came from the small human tied to a chair in the middle of the room.

"Shut up, bait." Slörg gave the girl a skeptical look.

"Are you sure that it's big enough? If he's hungry enough to go for the trap he might crave more meat on the bones."

"Hey!"

"I have already told you, I't's not for eating."

"I could have told you I'm not for eating."

"SHUT UP, bait. And as for you, Slörg, this is one of Lord Lucifer's pet humans. He will want it back."

"Well, you seem to have thought of everything."

"Of course I have."

"The last guy who kidnapped me was way scarier than you, you know."

"Oooooh. A little expert are we? And who were this oh so scary kidnapper last time, if I may ask?"

"He was called Malcolm, and HE had a gun."

"A gun, had he? Ooooh, did you hear that, Slörg. Little fancy-pants here got kidnapped by someone with a _gu..._ Wait a minute? Malcolm? Smarmy little weasle? Stupid mustasch?"

"Very stupid. Like a bird got stuck under his nose."

" _Malcolm Graham_? You dare sitting there calling me less scary than Malcolm 'shitstain' Graham? That's just low."

"Demons have feelings too, you know," Slörg added and gave her a dark look.

"How do you know him anyway?"

"From work." Trixie nodded. In her world, that made sense.

"They will save me, you know," she said with a smug little smile. Slag rolled her eyes.

"If you don't shut up I will gag you."

"You can't gag it! We need it to scream so Lord Lucifer finds it."

"Don't you think he can find a single human even if it doesn't scream?"

"Don't you think they can find me even if I don't scream? They are probably already here."

"Lord Lucifer is NOT here, bait. They will not find us for several hours, not until we have finished the circle and put up defenses, and the reason we know Lord Lucifer is not here is that we have demons on each floor of this building. They will alert us long before he gets here, so you can just shut your..."

"...Slug?"

"WHAT?"

"Are you sure we have demons on all floors? Only, I haven't heard from the ground floor for a while.

"What? They all went away for a snack? Why would they do that when we have a snack right here."

"It's not a snack"

"I'm not a snack."

"Shut up, bait."

"OR a bait."

"SHUT UP, bait."

"Should I go and check on the ground floor, Slug?"

"Just have someone from the second floor nip down and beat them in shape."

"Yeah... only... they don't really answer either."

"Move over!" Slug pushed Slörg to the side and leaned over the demonic rune board they used for communication. The kidnapped girl on the chair leaned to in to see better.

"Aha!" Slug pointed in triumph at the board. "There are demons at the third floor... alright... one demon. That still counts!"

"What's the demon doing?" Trixie asked with interest.

"Walking towards the stairs.... real quick, actually."

"It's my friend. You guys are screwed."

"We are NOT screwed, bait. Your 'friend' still needs to get through the lot at the fourth floor... which... seems to go pretty well, actually, given how fast the rune board loses track of them..."

"Told you."

"No need to be cocky, young human. The demons from the roof are on their way down now. They will... um... they will..."

The three of them stood in silence for a while, listening to the sound of a large number of battle-crazed demons being first very, very, loud; then very, very surprised and finally very, very dead.

"Who was in charge on the roof," Slug asked after awhile.

"Squee."

"I never liked that guy anyway."

"No one liked that guy."

"Well, we still have one card to play. We brought a pit monster from Hell. RELEASE THE BEAST, SLÖRG!"

"Are you sure..."

"YES, I'm sure. There is a pretty good chance it eats the intruder before it eats us."

Shaking her head, Slörg pulled a heavy chain to open a heavy crate, quickly leaping to safety as something horrible bolted out towards the stairs, roaring like a chainsaw strapped to an old fashioned truck engine. A heartbeat later the roars changed to an agressive snarl, and then a surprised yelp of pain.

"See," Slug gloated, oblivious to Slörg's increasingly frantic attempt to catch her attention. "Your 'rescuer' is no match for the powers of our beast from the bowels of... WHAT IS ALL THIS RUCCUS ABOUT?"

She turned around to see the mortally wounded, bleeding and frantic hellbeast bounding back from the stairs and straight towards them, gap open. For the first time, Trixie looked worried, but then a knife flew out of the gloom and neatly caught the beast in the leg, causing it to trip just in front of them.

"Well done, Slörg," Slug panted, but trailed off as Slörg's dead body dropped down in front of her. 

"Now you're the only one left, you know."

Slug spun around and faced the girl on the chair.

"Listen, bait. You know what your problem is? You have a problem-seeking attitude, that's what you have. Why don't you focus on what actually works instead?" Footsteps was heard behind her. "Like, for example, that I'm not the only demon left? What do you say to that?"

Trixe beamed.

"Hi, Maze!" she said. "I knew you would come for me."

"Maze?" As in... Mazikeen?" Slug looked up at the leather clad, bloodied and thoroughly pissed off demon walking towards them through the gloom. "Oh, er..." She bent down to Trixie and whispered in her ear.

"Hey, bait? Think you can talk her into giving me a headstart?"

"You really think it would help?"

"Nah, not really. Well, it was worth a shot. Thanks for playing, kid." And then Maze was there, and Slug didn't need to worry about anything on Earth ever again.

There were hugs after that. And tears. And that evening Maze and Trixie went out for ice-cream.


End file.
